Every mom I know feels stressed out. Like me, these moms love their kids and are so grateful to be moms, but they’re stressed.
Researchers have found that adults who are parents often derive more purpose and meaning in life than adults who aren’t parents; however, they’ve also found that stress from a number of common stressors often cancels out and exceeds the emotional rewards of having children (source).
Things that cause stress for moms
There are a number of specific things that cause stress for moms. Here, in no particular order, are 10 common causes of stress (source and source).
- Financial costs of raising children
- Worry over children’s futures (their physical and mental health, social well-being, education, etc.)
- Juggling parenting and paid work (the “second shift,” lack of maternity leave, not having sick days/PTO to take when a child is ill, inability to find quality childcare, etc.)
- Spouse/partner (balancing time with kids and time with spouse, handling conflict about childrearing, having to do all of the housework because it is not shared by spouse, etc.)
- Handling kids’ behaviors (meltdowns, disobedience, whining, tantrums, etc.)
- Lack of time for recreation
- Keeping up with housework
- Lack of time and/or energy for self-care (getting too little sleep, not having time to exercise, always eating in a hurry, etc.)
- Worry over how others perceive their parenting
- Getting everyone where they need to go (getting the kids to school on time, balancing multiple extracurricular activities, attending birthday parties, etc.)
My list of mom stressors
Some of the things listed above ring true for me, but there are also some other stressors in my life as a mom. Here are my top 10 stressors.
- Fatigue and the physical demands of parenting (night feedings for the baby, getting down to and up from the floor a billion times a day, getting three kids strapped into their car seats, etc.)
- Figuring out how to discipline and handle challenging behaviors
- Meal planning for picky eaters (and being able to purchase foods for these meals without going over budget)
- Housework
- Dealing with my kids’ health issues and managing treatment regimens for these
- Finances
- Relative social isolation as a stay-at-home mom
- My marriage (getting quality time with my husband, coming to agreement on how to handle specific behaviors, etc.)
- Worry about the future
- Mom guilt (i.e., feelings of guilt, doubt, or uncertainty when I worry that I’m not doing well enough as a mom)
You may be nodding your head in agreement because you have these same stressors or you may be contrasting your stressors with these. Either way, you may be wondering what is the point of all this. There are two reasons I’m talking about these stressors.
The first reason relates to the last item on my list: guilt. Sometimes I feel guilty because I feel stressed. It’s ridiculous, but sometimes I think that I love my kids so much that I shouldn’t feel stressed or overwhelmed when caring for them. Other times I think that I don’t “deserve” to feel stressed because, as a stay-at-home mom, I have more time with my kids and for housework than most working moms. Quite often I think that if I could just “get myself together” and manage time better then I wouldn’t feel stressed.
Like I said, it’s ridiculous, but these thoughts do enter my mind. You may think similar things. Thankfully, these disparaging ideas aren’t true. Parenting is hard work. Challenging tasks, like parenting, increase the demands put on our bodies and minds. In other words, feeling tension and strain when faced with the hard work of parenting is normal. It’s to be expected. Thus, we shouldn’t feel guilty or inadequate when we feel it.
The second reason I’m sharing all of this is because it is generally easier to manage stress when we know what stressors we face. Next week we’ll talk about managing this stress. It’s normal to feel some stress, but it doesn’t have to overwhelm us!
What things stress you out as a mom?
Shared at the following:
Encouraging Heart and Home, Tuesdays with a Twist, and Busy Monday.
One thing I struggle with being a mom in this period of time is, we’re expected to do EVERYTHING the moms of the older generations did, while having way less time, higher expectations, there seems to be more special needs than before…and we don’t have the support of the older generation like all previous generations had. Instead they sit with their arms crossed, judging our every move.
A friend of mine let her daughter play in their fenced in backyard, while she watched from inside the porch. The neighbor called the cops on her. (Meanwhile they are from the generation of “we didn’t go home until the street lights came on.” And they complain how today’s kids are never outside!)
A few months ago, my special needs son was having a meltdown. My neighbor called the cops on me. So this is a HUGE stressor for me.
Lack of support is the BIGGEST stressor for me. Many moms have become reclusive because they grew tired of all the judgement. We strive for perfection to not get judged, driving ourselves crazy and many times end up judging each other (hence “mom wars”).
I homeschool my kids. Only now, after my youngest was born 9 years ago, have I been venturing out trying to make friends. He has ADHD, SPD, and ODD. Ignorant people just think he needs more structure and I need to discipline better. I said I just don’t need these people. Dealing with special needs is stressful enough!
So yeah. Lack of support and insane amounts of judgement is my biggest stressor
You make several important points!
There are some definite differences today. I know a lot of people, myself included, who live far from family, so we don’t have much of a “village” to help with meeting those expectations you mention.
My oldest child cried a lot when she was an infant. She’d cry for hours and hours every day. I remember being so afraid that the neighbors would call CPS, even though I was doing everything I could to get her to be comfortable. Given your neighbor’s experience, I suppose my fears weren’t unreasonable!
I’m a SAHM and we homeschool, so I understand the difficulty in making friends. I can only imagine the added stress of caring for a special needs child! We definitely need to stop judging each other and start being more supportive. We’ve all had times when our kids were acting out in public. We should definitely support each other through it instead of judging!
Hm… I think my biggest stressors is worrying about their health, safety, and future. I am a big worry wart by nature and having kids amped that up a LOT! Thanks so much for sharing with us at Encouraging Hearts and Home. Pinned.
There’s a ton to worry about, isn’t there? Worry is definitely a big stressor for me, as well.