Why You Should Flirt With Your Husband

A lot of people don’t typically associate flirting—affectionate behavior that shows your interest in someone—with marriage. After all, you’re married to your husband already. There’s no need to express interest now…right?

Many of us get caught up in the chaos of life and forget to do little things to show our husbands we find them attractive. We should, though. Here’s why.

From an objective viewpoint, we can see the absurdity of this thought. However, many of us get caught up in the chaos of life and forget to do little things to show our husbands that we find them attractive and are interested in them.

I’m making a concerted effort to flirt with my husband because I believe it will benefit my marriage. Would it benefit your marriage, too?

How flirting with your spouse benefits marriage

  • It boosts your husband’s self-esteem. I’ve mentioned a number of times before that our husbands face scrutiny, competition, and criticism in regards to their work and perhaps even when socializing with their friends. When we flirt with them, we build them up. We communicate to them that we find them attractive and think they are wonderful. They can hold their heads high in our homes because they know they have our votes of confidence.
  • It helps your marriage go the distance. Flirting with our husbands shows them that we are still interested in them. One researcher, Brandi Frisby, found that flirting may tip the balance for whether a marriage will be successful (source). She says that flirting is a form of maintenance communication and a way in which couples create a private world. Let’s take advantage of this and make sure our husbands know that we still value them. Despite their quirks, the grey hair they’ve developed, and the mistakes they’ve made, we still love and desire them.
  • It puts you in the mood for sex. It doesn’t take much to get most of our husbands in the mood for sex. They are eager and ready almost all of the time. On the contrary, it sometimes takes us wives a little time to get in the mood. Flirting helps expedite this because it gets us thinking about our husbands throughout the day. It also gets us touching them in nonsexual and sexual ways. We gradually start feeling amorous and are receptive to our husbands’ advances and are even eager to initiate sex on our own.
  • It helps you have fun. To be honest, much of what we do as couples isn’t all that fun. Budgeting. Deciding who will take out the trash. Debating which car insurance policy to purchase. Flirting, on the other hand, is fun. It makes us smile, generates laughter, and gives us something to look forward to. This lighthearted fun reduces stress in our marriages and helps us have the energy to get through difficult seasons.

Do you flirt with your husband? Do you feel this benefits your marriage? If so, how?

Shared on the following link-ups:

Weekend Wind Down, Wifey Wednesday, Wedded Wednesday, WholeHearted Wednesday, Titus 2sday, Titus 2 Tuesday and Monday’s Musings.


  1. Great post! Consider leaving the word “should” out of it. A list of things we “should” do is a burden, and this post was about an opportunity to have fun that benefits our marriages.

    • Hi Judy,
      It’s amazing how one little word can change your perspective on something, isn’t it? You are correct that it shouldn’t feel like a burden, but should be something we enjoy!

  2. What a great list! I’ve been tossing around the idea of something kind of similar, but more focused on one of the areas you talked about! I’m so glad you shared this on Titus2sday! 😀

  3. Hi, I’m here from Wedded Wednesday.

    If I may offer a male perspective…if there has been a problem in the physical part of the marriage, be very, very careful when intentionally practicing flirtatious behaviour. Men are not wired ON for arousal; if there is a history of either rejection or dysfunction, you’ve got to proceed very, very carefully…with the guidance of a counselor.

    Men who see themselves as rejected will, over time, build compensating paradigms that utterly reject sexuality. I know I did, and there is nothing my wife can do to reverse that. It’s unfortunate, but it came from an angry time, and misunderstandings on both sides. Ultimately the fault was mine, but it does not change the outcome. I can’t go back; the wires have been cut. (And I’m terminally ill now anyway, so who cares?)

    But when it was still possible, I would have loved it if this sort of thing had been offered. It would have been lovely.

    • Thanks for sharing about your experience, Andrew!
      You make a very important point. Indeed, this advice is not suitable for those who have had a serious problem regarding the physical part of marriage. In fact, if a couple is experiencing serious problems regarding any aspects of marriage, I would encourage them to seek assistance from a qualified counselor, not from an everyday blogger such as myself.
      Hopefully these thoughts on flirting will benefit those of us who have healthy marriages and are looking to be proactive about keeping them that way! 🙂

  4. I think flirting is so important to the health and passion in a marriage. It often comes second-nature in the early days of marriage–spilling over from our time as singles trying to win our spouse’s hearts. But I believe we should never abandon the pursuit of winning our spouse’s hearts. Flirting is like a sweet, vulnerable gesture that says I not only love you but I like you and find you desirable. What a great way to build our spouse’s up! Great thoughts and thanks for joining the linkup at MM!

    • Hi Beth,
      You’ve provided a very eloquent summary of the main point I’m trying to make here. Thanks for taking the time to visit and for hosting the link-up.

  5. I totally agree! Flirting should be a part of marriage. It’s one of those things that should never die.

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