When I encounter friends or acquaintances, it’s typical for me to greet them with a perfunctory “How are you?” They generally respond with cursory answers (e.g., fine, okay, good). Despite the fact that we exchange a few words, these conversations aren’t particularly personal or meaningful.
The routine way in which I ask how they are doing belies the fact that I actually want to know how they are doing. I’m learning that the best way to express my sincerity is to ask alternative questions that go beyond a polite greeting and communicate my interest in truly acquiring information.
I’ve used terms like “today” and “tomorrow” in these questions, but you can easily substitute these with terms like “week” or “month” depending on how frequently you see the individual with whom you are speaking. Also, keep in mind that few things communicate sincerity as clearly as body language. Turning towards the individual, making eye contact (if culturally appropriate), and putting away your cell phone go a long way in communicating that you are interested in his or her answer!
How do you ask people about how they are doing? What questions do you ask in order to communicate your interest to friends and acquaintances?
Shared at the following:
Tuesdays with a Twist, Over the Moon, and Encouraging Hearts and Home.
I love these ideas! Thank you!
You’re welcome, AnneMarie!
When I know their family, especially if I know someone has been ill or gone through some health or life event, I ask about them/ that. Likewise, I seldom answer with the platitude “fine” but rather something truthful, often, “I’ve had better days, I’ve had worse. ” I think that invites connection . I think it’s about more than greeting, but, as you said, about connecting. I really liked some of your alternative possibilities.
You make a good point about asking about specific things going on in their lives. This is true for both bad (illness, loss of loved one, etc.) and good (buying a new house, having a baby, etc.) life events.
Answering truthfully definitely invites connection!
sometimes I will ask, “are you doing well?” The answer comes back positive or negative but usually turns out for deeper conversation.