I know so many individuals who are hurting right now. The reasons vary (miscarriage of a baby, job loss, death of a loved one, etc.), but all of these folks are feeling pain and need both comfort and hope. Sometimes I find myself at a loss for words when I interact with someone who is hurting. I don’t know what I could possibly say that would bring encouragement.
I sat down the other day and started thinking about this. What sort of words truly bring comfort? What do I appreciate hearing when I’m hurting? What does the Bible say about comforting those who hurt? As I thought through these things, I was able to come up with a list of 15 helpful things to say to hurting people.
(Click on the image to view and download a printable version of the list.)
It’s important to keep a couple of things in mind as we say these things. One is simply to say them. That sounds silly, but sometimes we keep silent out of fear that we will say the wrong thing or that we will offend someone. We should definitely think and even pray before we speak, but we shouldn’t be silent. Comforting other people isn’t just something that’s nice to do—we’re actually instructed to do so in the Bible (Romans 12:15, 2 Corinthians 1:3-4, and Galatians 6:2).
The second thing is to be sincere. People can tell if we are just paying them lip service. Lip service isn’t comforting. In fact, it has just the opposite effect. It makes people feel worse because they realize we don’t actually care about them! In my opinion, it’s better to stumble over our words or say something awkward while being sincere than to say something very eloquent while being insincere.
We’ve all experienced pain, so you likely have something you can contribute to this list. What statements have encouraged you during times of pain?
Shared at the following:
Busy Monday, Encouraging Hearts and Home, Thursday Favorite Things, and Over the Moon.
Thank you
You’re welcome! I hope these help you.
What a great list. I truly struggle with the right thing to say and
I think these will be helpful. One thing I’ve learned is to NEVER say is “I know how you feel” unless you have been through it and really do know how they feel.
I agree! That’s not helpful. Even if you’ve experienced something similar, it’s often best to avoid that phrase because none of us can fully understand the experience of another.
Thanks for highlighting this phrase that isn’t helpful!
These are wonderful suggestions of helpful & productive things to say! It can be so hard to know what to say, so sometimes people say nothing. That silence can be very hurtful.
It is hard to know what to say, Lianna, and often times silence is interpreted as lack of concern. Perhaps these ideas can help give us all courage to speak!
Thank you for this list. I often want to say something during difficult times but I’m afraid it will come out wrong or my voice will squeak, etc. and I break into a sweat. Deep breath…
Sometimes that’s a concern for me, too, Laurie. I also cry pretty easily, so I’ll often cry because I’m feeling compassionate and it’ll be hard to get the words out. Taking a deep breath is a good idea!
Also, these things can be written in sympathy cards or sent via email. If that’s the only way we can get them out then it is better than keeping silent, right?
Thanks for some great ideas. My Mom was abruptly widowed with four young children. For years, people just wouldn’t say ANYTHING. It was very isolating. Having some idea of something to say is a great start. When a little more time has passed, it’s also helpful to mention some specific happy, funny, or dramatic memory of the deceased (more than “he was a great guy”).
Yes, definitely say something. Even if you want to preface it with “I don’t really know what to say…”
Great tip about sharing a memory! It is hard when you miss a loved one and others act as though he or she never existed. It’s nice to be able to reminisce.
Pinned this, Shannon, and wishing I could have cue cards (or a teleprompter?) follow me everywhere!
Yes! A couple of weeks ago a friend I grew up with lost her husband. We’re in our mid-30s, so you don’t really expect that to happen at our age. I was not sure what to say to her, so I actually referred back to this post!
My neighbor passed away this week and this definitely helps me to know I don’t need to say much since I don’t know what to say. Nothing I can say will ease the pain their pain, but I can let them I am here for them. Happy Spring, Kippi #kippiathome
A supportive presence and listening ear are often more helpful than all the words in the world!
These are great; I do often blurt out the total wrong thing (like asking someone I hadn’t seen in years how she had been– at her grandson’s funeral!). Thanks so much for sharing with us at Encouraging Hearts and Home. Pinned.
Oh, that’s tough! There’s definitely something to be said for being genuine, even if things come out awkwardly.