In the years before I met my husband, I watched my good friends meet, date, and say “I do” to the men of their dreams. As the only single woman among my friends, I often felt alone and misunderstood. I promised myself at that time that if I were ever in their place that I would go out of my way to support my single friends.
Before I say anything more, let me clarify that not all of our single friends desire marriage. Some are quite content being single and some feel that the Lord has called them to remain unmarried. Regardless of if they desire marriage or not, our single friends may sometimes feel lonely and as though they are the only unmarried person left. All of these friends benefit from our support and encouragement (Romans 12:15).
How to support single friends
- Invite them to social events, even if most of the people attending are couples. Many couples assume that a single friend will not want to hang out at a get together that is being attended by a bunch of married couples. This isn’t always the case. Many of our single friends long for fellowship and would enjoy hanging out at a barbeque, game night, picnic, movie night, etc., even if most (or all) of the attendees are married. Unless the get together is specifically tailored to couples, then consider inviting single friends to attend.
- Avoid “comforting” them with pithy sayings or unsolicited advice. When single friends share about their loneliness or desire for marriage, it is so important that we respond in a wise and loving manner. Cliché responses (e.g., “singleness is a gift,” “when God knows you’re ready, He’ll bring you the perfect man”) and unsolicited advice (e.g., “you won’t find a guy until you stop looking,” “I know this great singles group you could join”) often aren’t wise or loving. Listen compassionately and think before responding (James 1:19). Offer advice when asked and only if you’re confident it is good advice.
- Don’t assume they can’t understand any of your struggles or offer sound advice. Unmarried friends can be empathetic listeners and wise advisors even if they doesn’t have personal experience with the situations you are facing. In fact, they may be able to give great advice because of their outside viewpoints. At times you may even be surprised to learn that they are facing similar struggles. Some challenges in marriage, such as budgeting, aren’t unique to marriage!
- Visit with them about a wide variety of topics. Though many of your single friends are more than happy to listen to you discuss your thoughts and concerns regarding marriage-related topics, they’d probably like to talk about other things, too! Ask about their jobs, their families and other relationships, or whatever is on their minds.
- Consider hanging out somewhere other than your home. If you are married and have kids, it’s often easier to have single friends come to your place than to go to their homes. There is not necessarily anything wrong with this, but in some cases it can be a strain on your friends and make them feel that their homes and ways of life are inadequate. Subsequently, it’s nice to occasionally visit their homes or hang out in other locations (coffee shops, restaurants, etc.).
All of our single friends are different, so some may appreciate these gestures of support while others may not. Sit down with your friends and ask how you can best support them. If they share anything that is particularly insightful, please share it with us!
Do you have unmarried friends? What things do you do to support them?
Shared at the following link parties:
Monday’s Musings, Titus 2 Tuesday, Titus 2sday, Tuesday Talk, Coffee and Conversation, Shine Blog Hop, Wedded Wednesday, and The Art of Homemaking.
Such a wonderful and encouraging post. Another thought: I have a friend who, although married, is childless, and we have loved blessing her and her husband with our crazy family. My kids love them as family and even our grandson has a special place in his heart for them.
Hi Michele,
Great point! I think our childless friends can feel left out in the same way single friends can. Thanks for reminding us of this and sharing one way we can support them.
I love all of these! I think that these ideas also greatly benefit married women as well. Since my husband and I got married when we were halfway through college, all of our close friends that we would hang out with regularly were (and many still are) single. Being able to just hang out and talk about different things like books or prayer (that didn’t revolve around marriage or kids) was (and still is) really good and important!
I agree, AnneMarie. These do benefit married women! I know I don’t want my marriage to be an impediment to maintaining friendships with women who aren’t married. Everyone benefits when we find ways to connect!
This was wonderful! I often feel a gap in these relationships. I love your point about single people having sound wisdom and insight too. Thank you for posting!
Hi Lauren,
Hopefully these will help close that gap!
Shannon this was absolutely wonderful, practical advice and so needed! We do assume, many times, that our single friends can’t relate to us, or that we can’t go to their homes, or that we should take pity on them. I.love.this.
So much so, I am featuring on my blog next week for Tuesday Talk! Also Tweeted, Pinned, Google plussed, and will share from my Facebook wall this evening! Super post.
We can definitely benefit from our single friends as much as they can benefit from us. Stage of life doesn’t change this!
Thanks for hosting and for all the shares, Ruthie!
Great advice! I loved spending time with my married friends when I was single. It helped me envision what marriage looks like on a day to day basis since I came from a single parent family.
That’s a great thing to remember, Alyssa. Spending time with married friends is a good way for singles to learn about marriage!
great post topic! I’m encouraging my girls (young adults) not to hold back from being friends with married women too – it goes both ways.
Hi Belinda,
Indeed, it does go both ways. Our lives are so much richer when we connect with a diverse group of friends.
I love this concept, Shannon. Nowadays, I’m seeing more and more women pit themselves against each other–single vs. married; kids vs no kids; stay at home vs work outside the home. I always found it somewhat discouraging. We’re all working toward a goal (bettering ourselves, being happy, etc…), so instead of separating ourselves from each other, why not just offer support? This is such a great reminder and I’m glad you shed some light on it. Thanks for sharing it with us on #SHINEbloghop 🙂
It is a frustrating trend, isn’t it, Maria? Hopefully these tips will help us all be more supportive and bridge those gaps.
Shannon,
Thanks so much for sharing this at Coffee & Conversation last week! This is a wonderful post with lots of great advice…pinned and shared 🙂