I recently gave birth to my third child. When I saw the positive pregnancy test at the beginning of my pregnancy with her, it didn’t take long for me to realize that my oldest child would be just 3 years of age when the new baby was born. I would have a 3-year-old, a 2-year-old, and a newborn.
I felt momentary insecurity, but this was quickly replaced by confidence. I was confident that we had made the right choice in conceiving again so quickly. Each of my children was conceived intentionally (i.e., none of them were surprises). There are many wonderful things about having closely spaced kids. There are also many challenges, of course, but I’ve found that the benefits outweigh the challenges.
Why it’s awesome to have closely spaced children
Siblings have instant playmates and close friends
My girls have incredibly close relationships. Obviously the newborn isn’t capable of much at this point, but the older two constantly play together, hug one another, and express concern over each other’s boo-boos. Though they have separate beds, the oldest will sometimes even venture across the bedroom and get in bed to sleep with her younger sister! It warms my heart to see how close they are and to know that they will always have support and companionship from one another.
From what I know of my own experience with my sister (we’re just 19 months apart in age) and what I’ve heard from other moms, close relationships are the norm for closely spaced siblings. I think a lot of this has to do with the fact that the siblings are in similar places developmentally. They like to play with the same types of toys and are able to engage with one another as peers. Additionally, closely spaced siblings will be in the house together for most of their childhood and teen years (e.g., one sibling won’t leave for college while the others are still in elementary school), so these close relationships are reinforced by time.
You don’t have to decide whether to get rid of or store baby equipment
If your children are spaced out by many years, then you have to decide what to do with the baby clothes and equipment (e.g., crib, stroller, bouncer, highchair, car seat) while you’re not using them. If you get rid of the clothes and equipment, then you have to pay to purchase new items when you have another child. If you store the items, then you may still have to purchase new ones! This is because some items (such as car seats) come with expiration dates, some items undergo recalls, and some items will no longer meet the most recent safety standards. There is also a chance that items may become damaged while being stored. If your children are close in age, then you don’t have to worry about placing any items in long-term storage and you get your money’s worth out of the items before they expire or safety guidelines change.
It’s easy to maintain routines
If your children are years apart, then it’s quite likely you’ll end up having to drop a teenager off at soccer practice at the same time the baby should be napping. Likewise, you may find yourself struggling to drop your kids off for school because you need to be at the preschool, elementary school, and high school all at the same time! These situations are less likely when children are closely spaced. Closely spaced kids tend to have similar routines because they are nearly the same age. During their infant, toddler, and preschool years, you can make sure everyone goes down for nap/rest time at the same time and they can all share the same bedtime. As they grow older, they can all be enrolled in the same elementary school or junior high and high school, they can take part in the same sports programs, etc. This means the family is pulled in fewer directions and regular routines are easier to maintain.
You remain up-to-date on the most current research
Whether it’s in regard to safe sleep practices, introducing solid foods, or car seat safety, researchers learn things every day that lead to changes in the health and safety recommendations made by experts. If it’s been a long time since you had a child, then you may not know that kids are supposed to remain in rear-facing car seats until a minimum of age 2 and that you should feed common allergens (e.g., egg, fish, peanuts) to babies before they turn 1 year of age. No one would expect you to know these things because you haven’t cared for an infant in years! However, if you just had an infant, then it’s likely that you are aware of the most current health and safety recommendations for babies and toddlers.
Older moms can have multiple children before the likelihood of infertility and genetic disorders increase significantly
Though many women are able to bear children into middle age, there are challenges associated with this. For example, the risk of infertility increases significantly with age. Roughly 10% of young women have difficulty getting pregnant or staying pregnant, but over 30% of women over age 35 have difficulty getting pregnant or staying pregnant (source). If a woman over age 35 does conceive, there is an increased risk that she will bear a child who has a genetic abnormality, including Down syndrome.
Because my husband and I didn’t get married until we were in our late 20s and then we experienced infertility, I wasn’t able to bear my first child until I was over age 30. If I were to space out my children, then I would run the risk of experiencing infertility again and bearing a child with a genetic abnormality. Each woman has to weigh the risks and benefits for herself, but one reason my husband and I have chosen to closely space our children is so that we can have several kids before I get old enough that we deem the risks to be too great.
If you can survive the early years, then you can survive anything
These benefits paint a pretty rosy picture of what it’s like to have closely spaced kids. While what I’ve written above is accurate, this doesn’t mean having closely spaced children is easy. It takes a ridiculously long amount of time to get in the van because all three of my kids require assistance getting buckled into their car seats. It’s rough having two kids in diapers. When one of my kids is in a bad mood, it tends to spread to the others. Having pregnancies close together is tough on a woman’s body. You get the idea. It’s definitely not easy.
However, I feel like this is one of those situations where “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” I’m gaining skills (e.g., time management, the ability to delay gratification, how to be more organized) that will benefit me for the rest of my life!
Final thoughts
I want to be clear that I am not saying that having closely spaced children is superior to spacing out your children. Child spacing is a very personal decision, and it’s often not even in our control—things like infertility, miscarriage, illness, finances, a spouse being deployed, etc. all impact the spacing of our kids. Obviously my kids are closely spaced, so I’m sharing these thoughts to encourage other moms who are in similar situations and to provide insight for folks who wonder why on earth I would have multiple children in such a short period of time!
I’d love to hear your thoughts on the topic. Are your children close in age or far apart in age? What’s wonderful about how they are spaced?
I’ve always thought more of the benefits of having children a little more spaced out. You definitely bring up some great points here! As someone who won’t have as much of a choice to space longer (by this time I’ll be in my 30’s when I begin having children), it’s good to remember the possible benefits.
There are definitely a lot of benefits to having them more spaced out, Lianna. There’s no one “right” way to do it for every family. Additionally, like I said in the post, there are many factors that we can’t control that influence child spacing.