In Ecclesiastes, a short book in the Old Testament, a wise teacher states that there is nothing new under the sun (Ecclesiastes 1:9). The longer I live, the more I see this statement validated. For example, four years ago I shared tips for having respectful conversations about politics because the political scene was volatile, with candidates and issues receiving unprecedented amounts of attention. Today we’re facing a strikingly similar situation.
I’m revisiting the topic of discussing political issues because I believe many of us will find ourselves doing just that in the coming weeks. In fact, as challenging as it can be to have these sorts of conversations, having open, honest, and respectful dialogue about political issues benefits us by deepening our understanding of the issues facing our nation and helping us see how various avenues of action can harm or benefit Americans.
How can we have respectful, productive conversations about political issues? Here are the things that I see work as I discuss political issues with others.
How to have respectful, productive discussions about politics
- Check your motives. There are many different reasons we feel motivated to discuss political topics. If our motives are to sow discord, point out to others that they are incorrect, or to belittle others, then we should keep our mouths shut. These are not good motives. However, if our motives are to understand the concerns, needs, and values of others, then it might be good to proceed in conversation. These are good motives. It is useful to keep in mind that the Bible teaches us to share helpful things that encourage and benefit the listener (Ephesians 4:29). This means that we shouldn’t share if we are doing so in order to point fingers, express anger, or make ourselves sound superior.
- Assume that others have good motives. Just as we need to check our own motives, we need to assume that others have good motives. It is much easier to consider the divergent opinions of others when we believe that those who hold the opinions aren’t attacking us personally. They simply want us to understand their concerns, needs, and values. This allows us to put down our defenses and connect with others so we can truly understand their ideas. It is also helpful to remember that we must always love people (Matthew 22:35-40), even if we disagree with their stances on particular issues.
- Avoid splitting. When we feel pressure, we often respond by splitting (source). Splitting is when we mentally separate “us” from “them.” We think of “us” as very good (right, moral, smart, generous, etc.) and “them” as very bad (wrong, immoral, stupid, selfish, etc.). This splitting prevents us from having meaningful conversations because we feel it is unnecessary to listen to other perspectives when we are clearly right and they are clearly wrong. Political issues are rarely that simple—they are rarely that black and white in terms of what is right and wrong. We will not be able to come together productively as a citizenry unless we acknowledge our own limitations and see the good in others.
- Truly listen. There are times when I’ve listened to another person well enough that I was able to formulate a response, but not well enough that I truly understood what he or she was saying. This sort of listening doesn’t allow for productive conversations. For these, we have to listen to understand. We have to ask important questions and give good thought to the answers. Doing so helps us learn and become wiser as a result of the things we hear (Proverbs 19:20).
- Choose the right setting. It is a bad idea to discuss political issues in certain settings. For example, a funeral for a person who died from COVID-19 may not be the best place to discuss how our government leaders have handled the pandemic. In general, casual gatherings and one-on-one interactions during non-stressful times allow for calm, constructive discussions about politics.
- Do not pass along rumors and conspiracy theories. Before we share the “information” we saw on Facebook or heard from a friend about an issue or candidate, we need to verify that this information is accurate. Rumors and conspiracy theories abound. We can’t have productive conversations about political issues when the “facts” we’re discussing aren’t actually true. Moreover, not verifying if information is accurate before sharing it can harm others. It also goes against the Bible’s admonition to avoid spreading false reports (Exodus 23:1). For suggestions on how to avoid falling for rumors and conspiracy theories, read my recent post on the topic.
- Know when to end the conversation. Regardless of how we go about discussing politics, there will be times when we engage in conversation with individuals who are disrespectful and unwilling to engage in meaningful discourse. When this happens, it’s often best to move on. This helps us save our time and energy for discussions where both parties are willing to exchange ideas, listen, think critically, and develop deeper understanding.
I generally shy away from talking about politics, but I feel like the stakes are pretty high in our nation so I’ve been doing so more often. I’ve found that, when I use the guidelines that I’ve listed above, I’m often able to find some common ground with the individual to whom I am speaking. This doesn’t mean we walk away sharing the same opinion, but it does mean that we have a better understanding of another perspective and we realize that our views are motivated by the same things (desire for a bright future for America, love for family, desire for a healthy populace, etc.). Being able to have these peaceful, productive conversations is essential if we are going to move forward as a unified country.
Do you discuss political issues with others? If so, how do you make sure these conversations remain respectful?
Shared at the following:
Encouraging Hearts and Home, Over the Moon, and Busy Monday.
I’m really thankful how you approached this subject. Respect, thoughtfulness, and curbing one’s emotions seems to be running through these ideas. My husband likes to say, when any conversation starts to get tense, “…but I could be wrong.” Genuinely. I find myself the most gufflumaxed (sp?) when I read some of the comments of friends or their friends about posts on FaceBook. Therefore, I am trying to be disciplined about how often I check it. This means I am checking it less, as well as being selective about from where I get my news. Thank you for this post.
Hi Mary,
I like what your husband says. Sometimes I’ll use phrases like “If I understand correctly…” Like him, I could be wrong and want to be humble about that.
What you’ve said about posts on Facebook is so important. Sometimes we just need to back away from social media and really limit our engagement with it. I know this can be a breath of fresh air for me personally! However, it can also help us make sure we are getting info from reliable sources.
What a great post, Shannon! I also try to shy away from political conversations (and I pretty much completely avoid them on Facebook-I personally think that Facebook posts are typically not the best medium for those types of conversations, and much prefer face-to-face discussions). I’ve found that when I do wind up in political conversations, my best tactic is typically to just listen a bunch-oftentimes, it seems that other people really just want someone to listen as they talk through their concerns or frustrations. I really try to find common ground, too, because like you noted, people can often disagree while having really good motives.
I totally agree, AnneMarie, that productive conversations rarely happen over social media. Face-to-face works better for these!
Great advice about listening. I need to make sure I’m doing enough of this.
Thank you so much for sharing at #OverTheMoon. Pinned and shared. Have a lovely week. I hope to see you at next week’s party too! Please stay safe and healthy. Come party with us at Over The Moon! Catapult your content Over The Moon! @marilyn_lesniak @EclecticRedBarn
Thanks, Marilyn!