7 Ways to Help Your Kids Form Close Sibling Relationships

My sister and I were really close when we were growing up, but we also fought like cats and dogs. I’m seeing this same pattern emerge with my own kids. My three daughters are best of friends, but they sometimes feel frustrated with each other and end up fighting.

Based on what I hear from other parents, this seems to be fairly typical. I’m glad to know this, but I also want to do what I can to cultivate my kids’ relationships with each other. This will help in making my family a place where my kids know they are always safe and loved. Additionally, a family is somewhat of a microcosm for society. Kids take lessons they learn in the context of family and apply these to their interactions with people outside of the home. They can learn so many useful things (conflict resolution, compromise, generosity, etc.) from their interactions with each other.

How can parents foster their kids’ sibling relationships? Here are some of my ideas and ideas suggested by experts.

How to foster close sibling relationships

• Treat each sibling fairly. Our kids notice how we treat them in comparison to how we treat their siblings. Thus, it is critical that we give each of our kids the same amount of encouragement, affection, praise, and discipline. This can be challenging because kids have different personalities and temperaments. For example, some kids push limits more than others, requiring more frequent correction or discipline. In these situations, we must be consistent in applying discipline that is suitable for the offense and in making sure this is counterbalanced with praise for appropriate behaviors. If we don’t do this, then the children who receive less affection and praise may feel bad about themselves and be jealous of their siblings (source). Both of these impede close sibling relationships.
• Help siblings understand that life isn’t fair. This statement may seem like a contradiction to the statement I made above, but it really isn’t. Yes, we should treat our kids fairly, but we must also help them understand that life often isn’t “fair.” For example, one child (but not his siblings) may be invited to the birthday party of his classmate. We must help kids understand that we love them equally, but this doesn’t mean they will have identical experiences, friends, talents, and opportunities. We should comfort them, but also help them process their emotions and learn constructive ways to respond when this happens because they will experience it throughout their lives.
• Get siblings playing together. Kids who engage in fun play together will naturally form bonds (source and source). My kids are closely spaced, so it’s super easy to get them to play together. They often care for their dolls together or work with one another to build a city out of blocks. However, if your kids aren’t close in age, this may be more challenging. There are likely some activities you can find that will interest both of them. For example, they may enjoy drawing together or going on a walk together.
• Provide opportunities for siblings to greet each other and say “good-bye” or “good night.” It is great to give kids opportunities to bond when they first see each other in the morning or after a separation (such as during school) and to say a farewell before a separation (source and source). This is often easy to do. It may simply involve working in time for kids to share hugs before bed or to greet each other with high fives after school. These greetings and farewells help our kids know that they matter enough to their siblings that they are missed when they are not present.
• Help kids solve their own conflicts. Conflict is a normal part of relationships. If our kids are going to be close, then it is essential that they learn to overcome conflicts on their own (source, source, and source). This requires several things of us as parents. One is modeling good conflict resolution so they have an example to follow. Another is coaching them as they resolve conflict. They need us to help them identify, process, and modify their emotions and to help them brainstorm solutions. Finally, we must give them time and space to work out their conflicts. As they grow older, they need less of our coaching and more opportunities to gain competence by resolving conflicts independently.
• Encourage siblings to nurture one another. Ideally, having siblings means there’s always someone who has your back. We can make this a reality for our kids by helping them learn to look out for each other emotionally and practically (source and source). We had an opportunity for this in my household recently. My middle daughter, Nitara, fell and bumped her chin, cutting her bottom lip open with her teeth. She started crying and was bleeding a bit. I sat her in my lap to comfort her and asked my oldest daughter to grab a cloth so I could apply pressure to the lip (thankfully there was a basket of clean cloth napkins sitting on the floor not far from us). I then sent her for an icepack. When she returned with this, she asked Nitara if she was okay and sat with us. These simple acts of practical and emotional support conveyed love and reinforced my daughters’ close relationship.
• Encourage siblings to work as a team. My mom often says that nothing brings two people together like giving them a common enemy. In my experience, this is definitely true and it applies to both adults and kids. I’ve found that working towards a common goal has a similar effect. This means we can help our kids become closer by giving them tasks to work on together. We can encourage kids to work together on special projects (for example, completing a scavenger hunt or planning a family game night). Likewise, we can encourage them to help each other in ways that benefit the “team” (for example, when the family is running late, you can encourage a child who is ready to help a child who isn’t ready by gathering her shoes and socks). Encouraging kids to cheer each other on in sports, academics, musical pursuits, etc. also helps form this sense of unity.

The awesome thing about these strategies is that they don’t require special tools or planning; they are things we can integrate into our everyday lives. If we keep them in mind and use them to optimize our interactions with our kids, then we’ll see their sibling relationships blossom through our daily activities.

Are your kids close to one another? Why or why not? What things do you do to foster close sibling relationships?

Shared at the following:

Encouraging Hearts and Home, Over the Moon, and Busy Monday.