In recent years, many Christian couples have embraced the so-called “love and respect principle.” This principle, made popular by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs after he published his book Love and Respect (affiliate link), is based on Ephesians 5:33: “However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”
Because of this verse, Eggerichs and many other marriage experts believe that, though every spouse needs both love and respect, God gave men a particular need to feel respected and women a particular need to feel loved.
I can see the veracity of this principle in my own marriage. However, sometimes when I think about respecting my husband, I draw a blank. It seems like a bit of an abstract concept. I feel that I truly do respect him, but how would he know that I do? Is it enough to say that I respect him? How can I show this to him in practical ways?
I believe these eight approaches are great ways for wives to demonstrate respect for our husbands.
How to show your husband that you respect him
- Avoid complaining about him or speaking poorly of him in front of others. I’m convinced that few things communicate disrespect like complaining about our husbands or speaking poorly of them to others. This behavior shows our husbands that we would rather make them look bad in the eyes of others than go directly to them with our concerns (this latter approach happens to be the blueprint given to us in Matthew 5:23-25). We must guard our hearts and mouths so we respectfully voice matters to our husbands instead of parading these before family and friends.
- Give him undivided attention. I’m often tempted to try to complete another task while my husband is visiting with me (especially when he’s talking about something I’m not all that interested in). After all, I have a lot of things to accomplish! Think about what this distraction communicates to my husband: The task I’m completing takes precedence over you. This isn’t respectful. We need to put down our phones, let the sinks of dishes sit for a few minutes, and gently teach our kids to wait patiently so we can fix our attention on our husbands when they are sharing important things with us. This focus communicates the opposite of distraction: You and your thoughts matter to me.
- Remember how much physical touch matters. Men are hardwired to appreciate physical touch. Yes, I do mean that they appreciate the touch associated with sexual intimacy, but I’m also referring to touch like hand holding, hugs, and pats on the back. Being generous with our touch—initiating sex with enthusiasm, sitting close when having important discussions, saying goodbye with hugs and kisses, etc.—shows that we understand and desire to meet their longing for physical touch.
- Pray for him. When we bring our husbands before the Lord in prayer, we are placing their needs, hopes, and imperfections into the hands of the One who cares about them even more than we do. We can be peaceful presences in our husbands’ lives because we’ve turned our anxieties about their needs over to the Lord. We can cheer them on confidently because we’ve asked the Lord to bring about their hopes. We can stop nagging them to change because we’ve brought our concerns about their less desirable traits before the Lord.
- Look for ways to encourage and build him up. It’s easy to notice our husbands’ faults and the things they aren’t doing that we’d like for them to do. Dwelling on these things and nagging our husbands doesn’t honor them. However, our husbands can see our esteem for them when we put forth the effort to focus on the positive and convey support to them. Not sure where to begin? See if one of these 35 encouragements would bless your husband.
- Give him time and space to unwind. Though there are some exceptions, most men don’t like to debrief or unwind by talking about the challenges they face at work, with family members, or in other facets of their lives. They often like to engage in a quiet activity (like watching TV or reading the newspaper) or by doing something physical (like shooting hoops or going for a jog). This can be challenging for us as wives because, in general, we like to talk about the things going on in our lives. It really encourages our husbands and shows that we value their emotional well-being when we give them a little time and space to unwind instead of expecting them to share all about their days or immediately help with tasks around the house when they get home from work.
- Be intentional about communicating effectively. It doesn’t honor our husbands when we nag them or communicate in quarrelsome ways. On the other hand, we show respect when we communicate in ways that are peaceful and kind. You don’t have to simply take my word for this. The topic of how wives communicate is addressed several times in the book of Proverbs:
- “Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife.” Proverbs 21:9
- “Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and nagging wife.” Proverbs 21:19
- “A quarrelsome wife is like the dripping of a leaky roof in a rainstorm; restraining her is like restraining the wind or grasping oil with the hand.” Proverbs 27:15-16
- Treat him like the man he has the potential to become. Our husbands know when we are focusing on their imperfections. Focusing on these discourages us and it discourages them because they know we’ve set the bar low in regard to our expectations of them. However, when we treat them like the husbands they have the potential to become, they’re motivated to become everything God has made them to be. Why? Because they see that we believe in them and have set the bar high in regard to our expectations of them.
Would these things make your husband feel respected? What specific things do you do to show your husband that you respect him? Please share these with us below.
Shared at the following:
Monday’s Musings, Tuesday Talk, From Messes to Messages, Coffee and Conversation, Word-Filled Wednesday, Grace and Truth, Mommy Moments, and The Art of Home-Making.
Just finished reading Cherish by Gary Thomas, and he makes the excellent point that husbands feel cherished when they are respected. Thanks for making this all so practical!
It really does seem to make a difference to husbands, Michele. I needed some practical ideas so I could better understand how it looks to respect your husband.
Excellent tips. I will be the first to admit I take my hubby for granted. Need to respect him and uphold him more. We are different people w different processing styles/techniques; I need to stop expecting him to read my mind. I have found that if I write it down he will attend to it better.
Hi Laurie,
I think it is especially difficult to show respect when you have different processing styles/techniques. What seems respectful to you may or may not seem that way to him!
Great reminder about not expecting husbands to read our minds! I make this mistake sometimes, too.
Yes, these are all great! I need to remember to do some of them more often!
Hi Laura,
I’m hoping that having written them down will help me remember to do them more often!
Thank you for the reminders. This is such a thorough and positive list.
Lexie
You’re welcome, Lexie! I hope it has encouraged you.
I wish husbands had to respect their wives the same ways. I hated when my exhusband would put me down in front of his family and friends. They in turn would make fun of me regarding whatever he had put me down for. I especially hated him telling everything I/ we did in the bedroom to his friends. His yelling at me in public was the worst.
It should be mutual, Romelle! As I noted in the post, “every spouse needs both love and respect.” We tend to emphasize it with men because of how the Scripture reads, but both spouses should love and respect each other.
What your ex-husband was doing was definitely wrong!
Shannon and Romelle. If you look at Ephesians 5:21 it says to be subject or submit to one another. Therefore, husbands must have the same respect for their wife as the wife has to the husband. The difference is not respect but how we accept and feel that respect. Wives tend to receive love and appreciate through their ears, to their heat and then out to the world. Man tend to receive respect through their eyes and ears to their mind and then out to the world.
It is not for women to only submit and men to only love (Ephesians 5:33) but for men to be sacrificial in their love and women to be sacrificial in their respect like we love or respect Jesus.
Cracking the marriage code is a sensitive issue to be treated with cherishing salve for each other.
Remember The Best Is Yet To Be!!!
Thinking of it in terms of ears and eyes is a helpful way to generalize, Jerry. Thanks for that tidbit!
I think the undivided attention is really important to my husband. Something I struggle with giving. Thanks for the reminder!
That one is tough, Debbie! I always have so much to do that it is really hard to stop and focus on him. I makes such a difference when I do!
Oh I like those verses on nagging! A great reminder!
I agree, Helene. Sometimes I really need the reminder!
Wonderful advice!
Thanks! I hope it is helpful to you.
Amen and amen! Our husbands are our first ministry! Visiting you today from “From Messes to Messages” link up! God bless you
It’s easy to forget what a significant ministry it is, Jennifer. Thanks for stopping by!
This is a great message! I agree with all of these! Thanks for sharing!
Thanks, Roseann. Hopefully it encourages all of us to use these sorts of respectful gestures more often!
Thank you for these practical tips showing our husbands respect. When they feel respected, they feel loved! Thanks for these words of wisdom sharing them today on my Facebook Page. Blessings, Misty #GraceandTruth
Hi Misty,
I know I definitely want my husband to feel loved! Thanks for sharing the post.
These are great tips Shannon. I’ve not read Love and Respect—I will have to check it out.
It provides a lot of insights, Kelly.
This is REALLY good! I needed this reminder. Leaving space and time for him to unwind was one way that never even occurred to me. It’s so easy to forget how to respect your husband. Thank you so much for this reminder! Visiting from Grace&Truth and will be sharing on my FB page!
Hi Elaine,
A few simple things make quite a difference, don’t they? Thanks for sharing the post.
Awesomely practical list!
Thanks, Ashley! I hope it has inspired you.
What a great reminder and resource. I particularly like #8, and will be working hard to implement it in the weeks ahead.
Thank you!
I’m pleased to share it and I’m glad you, too, are going to try to implement some of these ideas.
I haven’t read Love and Respect but I think it says almost the same thing in Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus. These are great suggestions.
I haven’t read that one, Jenny. Perhaps they do say similar things.
Great Post! I completely agree with each of your tips of how to give more respect to your husband. Each one are ones that I strive to accomplish in my marriage everyday. Thank you for sharing your wisdom to many wives!
Hi Carmen,
I’m glad you agree that these are good ideas. Your husband must appreciate your efforts very much.
Such great tips! I’m writing them down to be more intentional about them in my marriage!
#Grace&Truth
Hi Julie,
I hope your marriage is blessed by your efforts!
Initiating sex WITH ENTHUSIASM! YES!!! We’ve gotten into the mindset that is is simply ‘our duty’ – like a chore. But when Paul gave us those instructions, he assumed that there was some physical attraction between husband and wife and that BOTH benefited from intimacy. I’m in the middle of a series on this topic;)
Thanks for sharing on Grace and Truth.
Indeed, both husband and wife benefit!
Thank you for these tips! I’m currently reading Eggerich’s book and it’s so convicting but I also was drawing a blank at the ways to show respect. Can’t wait to use some of your suggestions!
I’m glad you found the ideas to be helpful!