How Introverts Can Successfully Practice Hospitality

Introversion and Extroversion are likely the oldest and most widely discussed constructs in personality theories. Introverts tend to be reserved, quiet, and more comfortable alone. They are more sensitive to external stimuli and need time away from this in order to function well. Extroverts, on the other hand, tend to be expressive, outgoing, and very comfortable while interacting with the people and objects around them. They seek external stimuli in order to gain a kind of equilibrium that helps them function well (source).

Whether you know this firsthand because you’re an introvert or you can simply imagine it based on the above description, hosting people for a meal or an overnight visit can be challenging for introverts. I’m an introvert, and I’ve just recently realized that one of the reasons I struggle with hospitality is that I want my home to remain a quiet place where I can have solitude. At the same time, I want to get to know people, to use my home to bless others, and to carry out the biblical command to practice hospitality (Matthew 25:40, Romans 12:13, 1 Peter 4:9, etc.).

I’m beginning to see that I can do both. I can practice hospitality and make sure I get the solitude I need in order to function well. Here’s how.

Tips for practicing hospitality as an introvert

• Acknowledge that being introverted isn’t a good reason to avoid hospitality. It’s so easy to shrug my shoulders at the idea of hospitality and say, “This just isn’t my gift.” Now, to be fair, I’m not particularly gifted at hospitality, but this doesn’t exempt me from needing to extend hospitality to others. However, being aware that I’m introverted and understanding how this impacts my interactions with others is a good thing. It allows me to tailor my approach so I can practice hospitality successfully.
• Have a plan. If I plan to be spontaneous in my practice of hospitality, then it is likely I’ll never actually have anyone over! Thus, it is important that I plan ahead to open my home to others on a regular basis. Depending on what is going on in the life of my family this may be weekly, monthly, or quarterly. Having a plan in place creates a sort of accountability that helps me follow through on inviting others over for fellowship and encouragement.
• Keep gatherings small. Interacting with large groups can be especially draining for me, so it’s helpful to keep gatherings small. I’ve found that having one family over instead of a few families allows me to focus more effectively on my guests and to engage with them in meaningful conversation.
• Focus on investment instead of entertainment. We tend to use the words “hospitality” and “entertainment” interchangeably. However, they aren’t the same thing. I don’t invite people into my home in order to amuse them or provide diversions, I have them over for fellowship (Acts 2:42-46), to be a good steward (Luke 12:48b), to meet their needs (Romans 12:13, Leviticus 19:34), and to share God’s love (John 13:34). When I focus on these latter reasons, I feel more comfortable because I no longer worry about having to be a great conversationalist or needing to have a perfect home.
• Foster deep conversations. Though introverts sometimes seem shy or even like we don’t enjoy other people, this isn’t necessarily true. It’s simply that we feel drained when we have too much external stimulation. One way to avoid getting too much stimulation but to still connect with people is to avoid small talk and inane chitchat. I’m usually able to do this by asking thoughtful questions that foster deeper conversations.
• Have something for guests to do. Sometimes when guests arrive, especially if I do not know them well, there can be a few awkward moments during which everyone is growing comfortable with one another. Trying to push through these moments can be very stressful for an introvert! Having something for individuals to do with their hands can help push through this awkwardness because side-by-side activities are often less intimidating than deep, face-to-face conversations. This is particularly easy to do when we have families with kids over. We simply have some activities set out for the kids and the adults inevitably get involved. After all, things like Legos are fun for folks of any age! If it’s just adults, we can have a jigsaw puzzle out on a coffee table or I can ask one of the guests to help me set out plates or something similar. Likewise, my husband may show someone something he’s working on in the garage. It doesn’t have to be complicated—little things are generally effective at breaking the ice!
• Plan time to recuperate. Because introverts often feel drained after having guests over, it’s important to allow time for recuperation. For me, a little bit of time reading in silence or a quick nap is often sufficient to accomplish this. However, if we had guests over for a longer period of time, it may take a few days before I’m ready for a lot of social interaction. Whatever it takes, I’m sure to recuperate so I am ready to open my home—and my heart—to others again soon.

As you can see, I don’t want to let a personality trait prevent me from welcoming loved ones and strangers into my home and life. Hospitality is critical because it illustrates what the Lord has given to us. As we extend bread to our guests, our words and actions point them to the Bread of Life. When we prepare comfortable places for guests to sleep for the night, we point them towards Christ’s ultimate hospitality—that He has prepared a place for them to spend eternity.

I’d love to hear your ideas! If you’re an introvert, then how do you successfully practice hospitality?

Shared at the following:

Encouraging Hearts and Home, Over the Moon, and Busy Monday.