Letting My Husband Do Things In His Own Way

When I clean our bathrooms, I clean the fixtures in particular ways. When I fold laundry, I fold the clothes in particular ways. When I get my kids ready for bed, we complete the bedtime tasks in a particular order. It will likely come as no surprise that, when he helps around the house, my husband doesn’t use the same approaches that I do.

I don’t think this is unusual. Most of us have preferred ways of doing things. However, it can be difficult for some of us, especially wives and moms whose “job” it is to care for the kids and home, to relax and let our spouses do things differently. I addressed this several years ago when I wrote about how his way works, too. I’m going to revisit the topic today because I’ve had to remind myself recently that my way isn’t the only effective way to complete a task.

Here are a few reminders I provide myself:

• I’m grateful he’s contributing. He could have sat and watched TV instead of picking up those toys or folding that basket of clothes. I’m so grateful he chose to do something that lightened my load a little bit!
• How it’s completed is of minimal significance. The important thing is that we can cross the task off our list! How it was completed is often of less importance than the fact that it no longer needs to be completed.
• I may learn something. Just because I do things a certain way doesn’t mean it is the best way. I may be able to learn a thing or two by seeing how my husband completes various tasks.
• He’s not a child. My husband is not a child who needs me to hover and provide frequent guidance. It isn’t particularly respectful to act as though he is, nor does it encourage him to help out in the future. I don’t need to volunteer instructions and tips—he can ask if he has questions regarding how to do something or where something goes.

Interestingly, I find these same reminders (with the exception of the final one) to be helpful when my kids complete tasks. My older two have been helping frequently with cooking, cleaning, and folding their laundry. Their abilities are exactly what you’d expect of a nearly 7-year-old and a 5-year-old. These reminders help me value their contributions and resist the urge to make changes to their work.

Does your husband help with chores around the house? Is it ever difficult to let him do it his way instead of your way? If so, then what ways have you found to value his contributions?

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Encouraging Hearts and Home.