My husband and I have a lot of different strengths. Most of the time this doesn’t bother me, but sometimes it does. I feel frustrated on occasion because I’m super observant and notice things that he doesn’t. For example, I’ve walked out onto the driveway and noticed that one of the tires on his vehicle was low. He insisted that it was not, so we checked with a tire pressure gauge. Lo and behold, the tire pressure was low. I’ve noticed sounds that he didn’t and these have turned out to indicate issues with an appliance or a leak in a pipe. Last time we were shopping for a vehicle, I noticed several small (but significant) details in the sales listings that he had overlooked.
If I step back and look at the big picture, I’m able to see that this difference is really not a big deal. However, in day-to-day life, differences like this can cause friction in marriage. In recent weeks, when I’ve felt frustrated regarding some of our differences, I’ve reminded myself of something my mother used to say. She described marriage as a set of hands that are clasped with interwoven fingers. She said that just as the fingers of one hand occupy the spaces between the fingers of the other hand, God’s design for marriage is for the strengths of one spouse to fill in the spaces between the strengths of the other spouse. When strengths are interwoven, the marital relationship is strong, just as the grip of two hands with interwoven fingers is strong.
This is a wonderful analogy. It’s nice that it makes sense logically, but it is even better that it echoes the Biblical account of creation. God said that it was not good for Adam to be alone (Genesis 2:18), yet none of the animals qualified as a suitable companion (Genesis 2:20). Thus, God made a companion (ʿezer) for him who was suitable (kenegdo). Translators have traditionally translated these Hebrew words into English as “help meet” (KJV) or “suitable helper” (NIV), but these are oversimplifications.
In the context of Genesis 2, Eve wasn’t created just to assist or help Adam. She was an indispensable companion who would supply what the man was lacking. Their forms and natures were matched, corresponding to and complementing each other (source, specifically notes 57 and 58). The analogy of the interwoven fingers sounds a lot like this!
This is super encouraging because, as I noted earlier, spouses can experience friction when they have different strengths. This analogy of complementary strengths is helping me to be content with my husband instead of constantly wishing he would grow in areas that I perceive to be weaknesses. It is also helping me be more humble and grateful because it reminds me of my own weaknesses and helps me be thankful that my husband is strong in many of the areas where I’m not. I hope it helps you in this same way!
Do you and your spouse have different strengths? If so, do you feel they make you a well-rounded couple? How do you keep from growing frustrated when you are strong in certain areas but your spouse isn’t?
Shared at the following:
Tuesdays with a Twist, Thursday Favorite Things, Busy Monday, Over the Moon, and Encouraging Hearts and Home.
I love that interwoven fingers analogy!
Our marriage has definitely benefited from the fact that my husband and I are so different. Jacob is much more of a quiet, introverted homebody than I am (though motherhood has definitely tamed this extrovert a little bit because I need quiet time by myself now!), and so sometimes I need to say “no” to different activities that would be fun so we can spend time at home as a family (and I don’t always like declining invites)-but other times, he’s the one who says “no” to his desire to stay home, in order for us to nurture relationships with other friends at different activities. It’s definitely a good opportunity for us to grow in communication about what we need and what we want, and it’s a good way for us to sacrifice for each other!
The analogy is great, isn’t it?
The introvert/extrovert difference is a great example of how this works out in everyday life. My husband and I are the opposite (I’m the introverted one and he is more extroverted), but this difference definitely helps us stay balanced in terms of our social life.
Lovely picture with the interwoven fingers : ) In April every year, I’m grateful that my husband has the skills & gifts that I don’t have -so that our taxes are done properly. I do think I got the better end of the deal – he has far more strengths than I! : )
Thanks, Anna. The words are mine, but I can’t take credit for the photo (it’s a public domain stock image). It’s a great way to visualize how the differences actually work together!
My husband does our taxes, too. He also sets up a spreadsheet for our budget and tracks all of our financial stuff. I hate numbers and math, so I’m super grateful for this!
Thank you for sharing at #OverTheMoon. Pinned and shared.
Thanks for hosting, Marilyn!