I love experimenting with recipes and trying new foods, but my husband doesn’t. He likes a few foods, and he’d be content eating these same foods over and over again. For example, as far as veggies are concerned, he likes corn. He’ll tolerate green beans. That’s it. He doesn’t like carrots or peas. He won’t touch cauliflower or sweet potato. He looks at avocado and squash with horror.
I do the cooking in our house, so I often feel stressed when trying to plan and prepare balanced meals. I try to prepare a wide variety of meals so we get a wide variety of nutrients. The few dishes my husband likes don’t provide the vitamins, minerals, and fiber that we need in order to be healthy. Additionally, we have kids. Kids learn from their experiences. They need to experience new foods in order to appreciate new flavors and textures. Because they take their cues from us, it’s less likely that they will eat something when they see that daddy won’t eat it. What’s a wife to do?
Here’s how I’m handling the situation. Please note that though this is written by me (a wife and mom) who has a husband who is a picky eater, the ideas are completely relevant for households where husbands do the cooking.
What should you do when your spouse is a picky eater?
The way I see it, there are three general ways I can approach my husband’s picky eating.
- Prepare what he likes for the whole family. I don’t like this idea because it means we’ll be eating the same foods repeatedly and our diets will be sorely lacking in the nutrients provided by veggies and whole grains.
- Prepare what he likes for him and then prepare a balanced meal for the rest of the family. I don’t like this idea because, with three young kids (ages 5, 3, and 1), I barely have time to make one meal. How would I find time to make two?
- Prepare a balanced meal for the whole family and he can prepare something else for himself if he doesn’t like it. I like this idea because a take-it-or-leave-it approach is easiest for me. However, this doesn’t address a couple of important things. The first is my husband’s health. If he prepares something for himself after picking at the dinner I prepared, that something will likely not be nutritious. The second is our budget. It would cost less if he would eat what I prepare. When he won’t eat it, we have to buy additional foods to have on hand for him to eat later in the evening.
As you can see, none of these approaches are perfect. However, the third is most suitable for my household. I use it, but I also do a few other things to try to address its limitations.
- I have a “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy about what is in dishes. If my husband doesn’t ask what is in something, I don’t tell him. This allows me to hide a variety of veggies in dishes that he will eat. For example, I make cauliflower crust for quiche and mix a little pureed carrot into meatloaf.
- I have him suggest recipes. A couple of years ago I encouraged my husband to join Pinterest and create a board of recipe ideas. He adds to this board on occasion, so I’m sometimes able to try new recipes that he thinks he’ll like. If you don’t use Pinterest, you can do the same thing using cookbooks.
- I “healthify” dishes he likes. Sometimes I’m able to put a healthy twist on dishes that my husband really likes. Sometimes this is as simple as substituting whole grain or veggie pasta for regular pasta, but other times it means reworking an entire recipe. For example, early in our marriage I discovered a way to make queso dip from scratch. While this doesn’t make it a health food, it does allow him to eat something he enjoys without consuming processed cheese products.
- I kindly explain the need for healthy foods and point him to resources on these topics. Though I really try to avoid nagging, I have been intentional about sitting down with my husband and explaining to him why I try to prepare a variety of foods. I’ve explained to him my concerns about how what he eats impacts his health. Likewise, I’ve pointed him to resources on this topic. I think this last bit is important because, for one reason or another, I think many men tune out their wives, but will pay attention to experts like doctors and dieticians.
As I go about doing these things, I try to keep two things in mind. The first is that I don’t want to treat my husband like a child. He’s not one of my kids, so I try to remain respectful and allow him to make his own choices without nagging him. The second is that family dinners are important. Regardless of what he will or won’t eat, it’s critical that we sit down and eat as a family. Thus, even if he is not eating what I prepared, we all need to be having dinner together.
I’d love to hear about your experience. Is your spouse a picky eater? If so, how do you make meals work in your home?
Shared at the following:
Encouraging Hearts and Home, Over the Moon, and Busy Monday.
Hi Shannon!
I’m the picky one. Mom cooked plain meals with salt and pepper. I am not adventurous trying new foods.
Dutch, my Husband, grew up in Chicago with a Mom that was a great cook and used all kinds of spices. Dutch enjoyed meals at Friends homes where there was much diversity and he enjoyed learning new foods. Dutch does 95% of the cooking (THANK YOU, GOD!). So our compromise…he uses less spice than he likes for me and he adds more at the table. I am even beginning to like cumin (insert snarky smiley face),
THANKS so much for your posts, I read every one!
How nice that he does the cooking! I like your arrangement with the spices.
This is such a great topic-it seems like something that people don’t talk about much, but I’ve found that it’s really common for married couples to not be identical in their food preferences (which makes sense, us being different individuals). I’m thankful that my husband isn’t extremely picky; so with the foods that he doesn’t eat, I generally just don’t make them-we’ll eat them if he goes out of town. Or, I’ll do what you do and make a meal and he can avoid the food he doesn’t like (sometimes I’ll make sausage and eggs for breakfast, so he just eats the eggs and leaves the sausage).
Does your husband like the “healthified” recipes? My husband typically will at least eat a helping of what I make, but he is not particularly a fan of recipes that have been altered to be healthier. When I made a grain-free, dairy-free, veggie-loaded tuna casserole once, I think it broke his heart a little because it was a far cry from traditional tuna noodle casserole 😛
Yes, I think it is common. It’s difficult because it is not necessarily a situation where one person is “right” and the other is “wrong,” but it can still cause stress and conflict.
My husband likes some of the “healthified” recipes. Generally if it is a small change or something that isn’t obvious he will be okay with it. If it is a major change (such as using spaghetti squash instead of pasta) he generally won’t like it.
I have stopped cooking for him altogether. Seriously…after 25 years of babe what would you like for dinner and I get nothing back…enough already. And what’s worse? When I do cook something it’s “okay” with a shrug. That’s it…I’m done. I’ll cook for my daughter and myself.
The “okay” with a shrug is very frustrating! I never know how to interpret it. I never know if he means it is okay as in “I wouldn’t mind having this again” or as in “I don’t want to be rude but please don’t make this again.”
I hope you make lots of yummy, nutritious meals for you and your daughter!
It’s frustrating to have family not be appreciative of someone’s efforts to cook meals for the them. Totally understand the the resentment
This just makes me more hopeless than where I was at the beginning. My wife when we were dating was open to eating anything and everything. Our first date was at a sushi place. She HATED Sushi.. turns out she now likes it. Fast forward to us being married for 2 years and she WILL NOT and FLAT OUT REFUSES to try new foods.
We just had our 1st child last year and I worry that mom’s eating habits will be reflected into the next generation. Just realized my father-in-law is also picky and this trend will continue if I don’t stop it. It Affects EVERY. SINGLE. MEAL.
I can’t even make a frozen pizza without there being some issue. Then she makes some terrible unhealthy meal. Noodles and sauce as her alternate and its DISGUSTING.
Stuff like this honestly has me leaning towards divorce it’s so mind numbing and constant daily battle.
Do I need to see a therapist or go to counseling. How am I the one who is constantly bending over backwards for everything but she can’t flex at all when I make dinner EVERY SINGLE NIGHT
Please SOMEONE HELP!
This sounds very frustrating, Mark. I’m so sorry it is such a struggle. Your concerns about the picky eating being “passed down” to your child are totally understandable. I would consult with your pediatrician about this, and also check out some resources on preventing picky eating:
Study gives insight — and advice — on picky eating in children
10 Tips for Parents of Picky Eaters
Children’s Nutrition: Tips for Picky Eaters
It might be beneficial for you and your wife to seek professional help. She may want to consult with a doctor because sometimes picky eating can be due to sensory issues. It wouldn’t hurt to see if a professional thinks there might be something going on in regards to this. As a couple, you might benefit from learning ways to cope with the picky eating. It seems like a small thing, but I know from experience that it takes a toll!
I hope things improve for you soon!
Been married 36 years Husband grew up a picky eater I cooked He either tries it or won’t I made new things for me and the kids and all grew up loving a variety of foods one even cooks for a living If you love her there are worse things to divorce over Learn to cook for 1 and enjoy your meals and you may end up cooking for the kids but they will enjoy that
Hi my husband his favorite food is fast food. I be peace with him I copy receipt for fast restaurant. If i do nutrition food he doesn’t like. I am in the same situation as you. And same concern about nutrition. I frustrating every day because he doesn’t want talk about. I feel he wants me to guess what is on his mind. And I get so angry when he doesn’t like what I cook.
I’m so sorry, María. This sounds frustrating. I definitely understand feeling concern about the nutritional content of food and being frustrated when no one likes what you cook!
I hope you are able to find a solution that works for you.
I feel your pain except the roles are reversed in our household. My wife is pretty picky and I’m the adventurous “foodie”. I’ll eat pretty much anything. My wife has like 5-6 foods that she’ll eat over and over again. She’s been eating the exact same lunch dish M-F every single day for months now… I don’t understand how she does it lol. I can’t eat the same thing 2 days in a row and if I eat leftovers I usually alternate them. I cook the lunch for her on Sunday nights and she eats it all week. It’s grilled chicken only seasoned with salt, pepper, and garlic powder. She won’t let me put anything else on it (believe me, I have tried to sneak in some spices…). And a “California cole-slaw” as the side.
I own my own business and have a pretty flexible schedule and she works from home doing IT related work so 98% of the time I cook dinner if we cook.
I grew up with both parents who were good cooks and alternated cooking roles. My grandmother (dads mom) was a fantastic cook . My parents were pretty adventurous in trying new recipes when we were kids. I still enjoy eating dinner at their house when we visit to this day because it’s always a wonderful flavorful dish. And usually not the same recipe we had last time.
My mother-in-law is a pretty good cook, but I would rate her cooking towards the bland side. Being married now for 10 years, I know most of my MIL’s dishes but she’ll
Occasionally do something new from time to time.
We tried to “compromise” a few years ago and started doing Hello Fresh for 2 meals per week, but she won’t let me in charge of ordering the HF, so we tend to repeat the same dishes over and over again… DOH
My wife also hates going out to eat at restaurants and if we do, we have to go to the same restaurants we always go to… very frustrating. We eat a lot of takeout unfortunately. Which I find even more frustrating because I’m like.. “why can’t we just GO TO THE RESTAURANT and eat the food and have them cleanup after us?!!?!
I usually have to go try new restaurants on lunch appointments with clients or when I travel.
I recently discovered that one of the other dad’s in my sons cub scout pack has a similar picky wife so he and I joked about going on “foodie dates” together lol. Seriously we were swapping stories like “have you eaten this at X restaurant?”
We have 2 little boys (8 & 5). Our 8 year old is SUUUPER picky. He’s worse than her and sometimes I get really frustrated with him so I have to hold myself back from turning dinner into an argument. It’s so bizarre but he usually tries new foods when either my mom or my mother in law introduces at a grandparents sleepover but it’s still like a 10% success rate if he’ll actually like it.
Our 5 year old is like me and will eat pretty much anything and he’s relatively open to trying new foods if you approach it right.
Thanks for the good information you shared. Figured I would share my story.
Thanks for sharing your experience, Brad. I know it is difficult to have a spouse who is a picky eater, so I empathize with you.
I like the idea of “foodie dates” with a friend who also likes a variety of foods!
I’ve recently had some success getting my two older kids (currently ages 8 and 6) to try new foods by having them choose recipes from picture-rich cookbooks to try. When they select the recipes and help with preparing the foods, they seem a little more interested in trying the foods. This might be worth a try with your 8-year-old.
I hope things get easier for you!
In the Cook 80% of the time and my wife has become the picky eater. She says she appreciates me cooking for her bit I don’t often hear any positive comments. Mostly I can tell she doesn’t like something but how she pushes it around and says “it’s fine “. I wish I could let this go especially when I poured my heart into the dish to make it special. Others rave about my cooking being excellent, so I know I’m probably a decent cook. At one point I asked her to lie and not tell me how she dislikes my offerings. She can only offer silence. If I ask, she will tell the truth, at least to me. To any other cook, she lies and says it’s great. Part of the frustration is the I suggest recipes and she says okay but then turns her nose up at the table while indicating she doesn’t like that kind of thing anyway. I said she at least must start being honest about my suggestions before I make 10 servings for us that I must eat alone. My joy of cooking is much reduced when I cook for her now. It’s becoming a dreaded process and I’ve told her she needs to cook a lot more as a result. Unfortunately, on her few days to cook she likes to call it a popcorn only night or take it out pizza, none of which I consider fulfilling the obligation to provide dinner. At least it feels hollow to me.
I’m sorry you are going through this, David. As you can tell from the other comments, you are not alone in your frustrations.
I understand about you losing some of your joy of cooking! I used to love cooking and baking, but when no one appreciates what you’ve made, it’s difficult to continue taking enjoyment in the process of preparing the food.
I don’t really have any suggestions for you, but hopefully knowing there are others having similar experiences will be of encouragement. I hope you are able to find some solutions that work for you!