My husband and I have two wonderful girls. We’re expecting a third child. We don’t yet know if this baby is a girl or boy, but since we first started sharing about the pregnancy, we’ve been hearing questions and comments like these:
- “Trying for a boy, huh?”
- “Maybe you’ll finally get a boy.”
- “You must really want a boy.”
- “Surely this one will be a boy, right?”
These comments have really started to bother me. This is in part because it’s no one’s business why we decided to conceive another child. However, it’s mostly bothersome because we didn’t get pregnant again because we want a male child. We got pregnant again because we want another child. Moreover, do my daughters hear this and wonder if girls are somehow less valuable than boys?
In our society, many individuals think that a couple’s family isn’t whole or balanced unless they have at least one child of each sex. In fact, some couples are so determined to have a “balanced family” that they turn to IVF and preimplantation genetic screening to determine if an embryo is male or female before they conceive.
According to the Genetics and IVF Institute, family balancing:
“…is the term for gender selection done for the purposes of achieving a more balanced representation of both genders in a family. For example, if a couple has a son and desires a daughter, or there is an otherwise unequal representation of both genders among current siblings, the couple would be appropriate candidates for Family Balancing…gender can be selected by utilizing technology called Preimplantation Genetic Diagnosis (PGD), a technology that involves testing the chromosomal make-up of an embryo. PGD must be done in conjunction with IVF. Once the test results are known, only the embryo(s) of the desired gender are returned to the patient’s uterus, thereby ensuring a nearly 100% accuracy rate for gender if pregnancy is achieved.”
What this description doesn’t tell you is that the embryos of the undesired sex must be destroyed or donated (for research or to couples who adopt them) and that each IVF cycle can cost $20,000 or more. Some couples spend as much as $100,000 to make sure they have a baby of a particular sex!
As you can imagine, family balancing is very controversial. In fact, it is banned in numerous countries, but it is perfectly legal here in the U.S. I could write an entire post (a long one) on why, from a bioethical standpoint, I think this practice is wrong, but today I’m going to share some straightforward reasons why it’s okay with me if my children are all the same sex.
Why it’s okay if I don’t have children of both sexes
There was a time not so long ago when my husband and I had been diagnosed with infertility. We didn’t know if we would ever have biological children. If you’ve ever had any experience with infertility, then you know that it has a significant impact on your perspective. We’re incredibly blessed to have children now, and I’m too busy being grateful for them to even consider if I’m disappointed because they are girls!
Even if it weren’t for this experience with infertility, I hope I would not be concerned about if my children were all one sex or not. This is because I don’t value one over the other. The Bible says that both men and women are made in the image of God (Genesis 1:27). Thus, they both have value. Neither sex is more important than the other. When the psalmist describes God’s personal involvement in the creation of a child, he doesn’t indicate this is reserved for one gender (Psalm 139:13-16). If both girls and boys are created in the image of God and He is personally involved in the creation of each, then who am I to assert that He should give us one of a particular sex? I trust that He has given us the exact children He wants us to have.
We may never have a boy to carry on the family name or for my husband to toss a football around with in the backyard, but we have amazing children. They are the greatest gifts we’ve ever been given! How could we feel unbalanced or incomplete?
“Lo, children are an heritage of the Lord: and the fruit of the womb is his reward. As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth.” Psalm 127:3-4
Do you have both girls and boys or are all of your children one sex? How do you feel about this?
Shared at the following:
Encouraging Hearts and Home, Over the Moon, Modest Monday, and Friday Frivolity.
Comments people make can be so frustrating! My parents jad five girls before the Lord blessed them with a boy, and each time it was always the same: “You’re gonna keep tryin’ til ya get that boy, huh? Well, I hope ya get one soon.” When my first brother was born, we always heard, “Ya got that boy! Now ya can stop!” My parents went on to have four more boys and one more girl.
As a child, it did always make me wonder why everyone always relegated us girls to a softball team (“You plannin’ on startin’ your own softball team there with all them girls?”, or patted Dads arm and told him that his life would be no fun in a couple of years. While I have discovered what they meant by that — five of us girls can be quite emotional at times 😀 — I still would never say that in front of children, because both genders are valued by the Creator equally.
May the Lord bless this new life within you! What an exciting time!
People seem to lose all sense of self-control when they speak of having babies–they just say whatever comes to mind! Honestly, it’s a good reminder to me to be careful that I don’t do the same.
I’m sure your parents have heard all sorts of comments. It’s unfortunate that many are negative.
I imagine having several girls in the teen years at the same time would be an adventure! It would be a huge blessing, though, too!
Well, Shannon, you already know I love this post and that I am SO with you on this subject! After we had two girls, I got so tired of people asking when we were going to “try for a boy,” I started telling them, “Actually, we’re not. We’re going to try for a goldfish.” 😉 Congratulations on your great expectation! Stopping by from #FridayFrivolity. 🙂
That seems to be a common response, Elizabeth. I’m just so grateful for the kids God has given us–I really don’t care if they are girls or boys!